Basic ways to train your teenager: Teenage is a phase when your son or daughter start looking like an adult, but they are still mentally far from it.
Your eyes can deceive you into believing that they are adults. But you need to keep telling yourself that they are still kids.
Yes, you can have many adult conversations with them and expectations. But they will still understand and perceive them with the capacity their teen brain can understand.
And most of the time problem occurs because we either start treating them 100% as adults. Or completely as kids that need to listen and follow our instructions and not follow the basic ways to train your teenager.
I am guilty of making both the mistakes I have stated above. My elder one towers above me in height and looks very ‘Adultish’.
And I made the mistake of interacting with him like an adult all the time. And expected him to behave like a responsible mature adult.
And my second son. Tough was also tall and equally towering. C’mom, He was my second son… My Baby… And I would still protect and nurture him.
Got burnt with both the approaches. Had to STOP. Course correct and then start having enjoyable time with them.
Topics Covered in This Blog…
2. The Adolescence Phase Milestones
3. 10 Basic ways to train your teenager for all Stages of adolescence
4. Basic skills that parents should teach to their teenagers:
As children grow older, their world becomes completely different than what we were used to thus far. Your teenager can be independent and not dependent on his parents. And they also want it. However, at times they are dependent too and feel helpless.
Adolescence is a period where children experience age transition. This is related to puberty, which is the transition from child to adolescents.
Puberty and hormones can do a number on your teen. And, on you if you do not handle the stage well.
In an age full of challenges, parents need to be smart in giving directions and follow ways to train your teenager so that children do not take wrong steps.
And we have tried to address some tips or wise ways to help you to guide and educate your teenager.
The Adolescence Phase Milestones
Remember when our children were small, we looked forward to the milestones they must cross. And we were delighted when they crossed each of these milestones.
Similarly, while we broadly tell that this phase is a ‘teenage Phase’. We do tell that it starts from 13 years and goes all the way to 19 yrs. But a wise parent will understand that all the 7 years will not be the same.
Your teenager will go through 3 different stages of development during these 7 years. And these stages and their needs are very different.
So, if you are a parent who deals with your 17-year-old teenager the same way that you dealt with them when they were 14. You might be in for trouble.
And might miss out in addressing the needs of that developmental face and face challenges in the ways to train your teenager.
The main deal of the adolescence Phase is to transition from being a child to an adult. So, your teenager will cross these 3 milestones in their journey to become an adult.
3 Stages of Adolescence
· Early adolescence (10 Yrs. to 14 yrs.) approx.
· Middle adolescence (15 yrs. to 17 yrs.) approx.
· Late Adolescence (18 yrs. to 20 yrs.) approx.
Each of these stages have their main characteristic and needs. And your will have to identify the stage they are in and address the need of that stage. If you like to effectively find ways to train your teenager.
10 Basic ways to train your teenager for all Stages of adolescence
1. Establish Communication with your teenager:
A relationship can work well when the communication is also unhindered. Therefore, communication is very important in educating children.
Yes, it was easier to have communication with your child when they were small than when they were a teen.
But make a conscious effort not to loosen or break the channels of communication.
If you are not following any other tip. But just this one. You will be doing much better than most.
“Communication is like the umbilical cord from you to your teen” ~ Thabitha David
Just to emphasise the importance. I feel communication is like the umbilical cord from you to your teen. We all know what happens to the foetus when the cod is cut before time.
Since he was a child, you should have made it a habit to have open communication with him. So, when he grows up there will be no awkwardness to say all the things he feels.
However, if you have had some rough patches and have patchy communication channels with your teen like how I did. Do not worry. All is not lost. Read how to start over and build good emotional connection with your teenager in my article Emotional connection.
If your child is a boy, currently the relationship between the child and the father is very important. Fathers can provide understanding and how to act to deal with puberty.
You might be interested to read our article father and son to gain more insights.
2. Show them a path:
You cannot show the ways to train your teenager, if you do not show or guide them down the path.
You have fed them, and you have raised them. Now they are almost there. Teenage according to me is more a stage to “Train” than “raise”.
“Teenage is more a stage “To Train” than “To Raise”” ~ Thabitha David.
For families that are religious oriented or inclined. Most of the sayings and teaching of the religion will help you guide your teen better.
So, give knowledge about religion to your teen. This will act as a provision for the future. Because with religious education, children can grow up to be more honest, polite, and moral people.
Also teach them religious tolerance and to respect the beliefs of others. Do not let children get into conflicts with other people because of religious issues.
For families not of religious orientation. Train your teen by telling them stories or experiences. So, they have some references and paths to follow.
Talk to them of your moral values and systems. It is a stage where they will initially try to define their moral values based on peer group values and slowly transition to have a value system of their own.
3. Show Your Trust to your child:
Children who are getting older, they can start doing their own activities without the help of their parents.
An example is going to and from school. Maybe from a young age you used to pick up children. But over time they could do it themselves. They can go and return using public transportation.
You must start to realize that they can do things on their own. And show your child that you have trusted them.
It is also important to let them do things on their own as it will teach them the needed life skills. And trust is very important when you find ways to train your teenager.
With this trust and support, it will indirectly foster an attitude of responsibility for children.
4. Teach Importance of socialization with environment:
As your teen progresses. Your teen will start interacting with their peers and friends more. They need to socialise and fit in will be more. They will take interest to get to know their peers and neighbours around the house.
As a good parent, you must be able to let your children socialize with their environment at school and at home. This can spur positive development that makes children easily accepted from any circle.
But give them the understanding that socializing should not be too much. Have basic house rules. And remind them of their responsibilities as a child at home.
Because while you are finding ways to train your teenager. It is also important that we exercise discipline and rules like any sports will have.
Read the below mentioned articles to expand your knowledge further on these topics…
1. Choose right friends.
2. Dating and relationships
3. Peer pressures
5. Respect your children’s privacy:
Parents often consider the child’s business to be their business too. This is not even fully true when children are young. Leave alone when they are teens.
However, when a child is a teenager, parents need to understand that the child starts having their own business.
Rooms and cell phones are part of the child’s privacy that should not be interfered with.
As a way of educating teenagers and respecting their privacy. Seek permission to access their room and phone. Show that you respect their privacy. At the same time teach them the responsibility they need to shoulder to have these privileges.
To widen your knowledge on allied topics read our below mentioned articles…
1. Toxic Friends
2. Social Media Addiction
3. Sex, drugs, and alcohol
6. Make agreements with your children:
When you go about with ways to train your teenager. Agreeing on important rules is what needs to be done between children and parents. As a teenager, you could no longer manage that easily.
Even children sometimes prefer to spend time with their friends outside rather than at home.
For that, you need to make important agreements.
For example, you cannot go home after 9 pm or you cannot smoke and drink alcohol. Try to come to a mutual agreement as a way of educating young children.
When a child agrees, he will have a responsibility and will not feel forced to obey it.
The key is to provide an understanding of why these rules are applied. So, do not just forbid and scold, but treat children like adults who can be discussed.
You will do good if you spend some time and read our below mentioned articles.
7. Give Orders gently:
Sometimes orders and prohibitions from parents to children can backfire.
You must be able to create conditions, where the child will feel comfortable and willing to carry out orders and accept your prohibitions.
When you need help, say it in a gentle way. Do not use an intimidating scream, because he will not like it.
Then for the problem of prohibition, you can prohibit children from doing something that they feel will not be useful for them.
Do not ban your child for no apparent reason, because he will surely wonder why this should not be done. In the end, children can disobey and continue to do the prohibition.
Remember if these are not handling well it can lead to anger, back talk and sometimes aggression.
Expand your knowledge more on how to handle these tricky situations from our detailed articles listed below…
3. Violence and aggression
8. Tell your teenager to handle stress:
As a way of educating your teenager, show him that stress is a normal part of life. Stress is not always an enemy to be afraid of.
There are various challenges and sources of stress that everyone, including teenagers, must face. If not trained early on, children will be overwhelmed by future stress so that they are not mentally strong enough.
To avoid depression in adolescents, what you need to do is provide it with various ways to manage stress healthily.
For example, instead of scolding a child when he has a lot of thoughts, approach the child, and talk carefully about the problems that bully him. Listen to the complaints without judging or finding fault with the child.
Entertain himself with words of encouragement and hope. Then invite him to find solutions or channel his emotions by exercising, pursuing hobbies such as music, writing, and so on.
The below mentioned articles are in relation to the above topic. Spend some time browsing through them.
3. Mental wellbeing
9. Set Good Example for Children:
Parents are considered heroes and protectors of their children. They will imitate every action that is done by the parents. Starting from habits, how to behave, to the words used.
Therefore, try to be parents who set good examples. Eliminate bad habits that can be imitated by children.
Also teach how to behave in dealing with a problem. Take care of your words at home so that the child does not practice it to others.
Our article family relationships and smart teen will help you more with this point.
10. Listen your children carefully and Value Their Opinions:
When having a discussion, invite children to share what they think. After that, listen carefully and show your attention to them. This will make children feel appreciated.
Do not interrupt the conversation and say thank you for the opinion. After that you can express a response to his opinion.
This will not only help in understanding your teen better. It will also build self-confidence and self-esteem in your teenager. It will in turn help your teen with needed skills to face challenges in life.
Our related reads are …
2. Self esteem
3. Face challenges
Basic skills that parents should teach to their teenagers:
It is necessary to instil certain values by parents as a way of educating teenagers. However, some basic abilities are no less important for training children’s independence in the future.
1. Prepare your own food
Entering adolescence, children must start to be independent and do simple things for their own needs. One of them is preparing food which also teaches how to educate teenagers.
Give the child the opportunity to start learning how to cook the basics. For example, such as cooking rice, frying eggs, making boiled vegetables, and others.
When parents are absent either because of illness or work, children do not panic and get confused. This is because they already have basic cooking skills.
2. Responsible with the goods
Another way to educate teenagers is to give children responsibility of their belongings. Starting from preparing the contents, storing in bags, to returning all their belongings when they arrive home.
Train children to always prepare their needs, such as making notes on what items are needed before leaving.
Slowly unwean yourself from packing their bags. Be it to school or for a trip. They will soon understand the essentials and the luggage load and optimise in the subsequent trips.
3. Manage their own money
Adolescence is often associated with emotional instability and cannot determine priorities, including when managing money.
You can start with this way of educating children by taking children shopping. Explain the budget and what needs to be purchased.
Likewise, with the weekly or monthly allowance that you give them. Also provide an understanding of the importance of saving from an early age.
A detailed guide to this topic is in our blog Financial wisdom.
4. Cleaning the house or their room
Basic skills such as washing dishes, sweeping, dusting, and tidying one’s own room are also ways of educating teenagers.
Keeping the house neat and clean is also a mandatory ability that children must have when they enter adolescence.
This will be of future benefit for both men and women.
5. Vehicles and using public transportation:
These two things are equally important. Teach them how the public transportation system works. How they can move around and the things to watch out for.
Dare your children to take public transportation and understand the public transportation around them.
Explain to them how to protect themselves on public transport, what to do if they get lost on the road and what vehicle to choose.
Also give the child the opportunity to learn to drive a car or motorbike. For children to be more skilled in driving, you must provide an example of how to drive a vehicle well.
You need to consider the right time in releasing children to bring their own vehicle.
Consider delaying it if your child does not seem proficient or has not received a driver’s license or is emotionally unstable.
These are the techniques for educating adolescents aged 12-20 years. Educating children according to their age always presents its own challenges. But do not give up being able to make him or her a good and qualified human.
Remember adolescence is a phase where the kid moves from being a child to an adult. So, while they will instinctively do all things to have their independence. It is also our duty as parents to instil the needed life skills to make them truly independent.
Remember the basic tips to be followed and the life skills that are important to be taught to your kid. They will be a step in the right direction to raise a wonderful adult.
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Like to know what are the ways that you used to train your teenager? Leave your comments below.