50 HILLARIOUS TODDLER QUOTES Every parent will love -

Hilarious Toddler Quotes: They can hardly walk on their two feet yet they can make you tired. If you look at them in a way as to enjoy them and not a source of irritation. You will soon find that they are a source of non-stop entertainment.

Below are handpicked quotes from Shades Of Parenting to help looks at your toddler and crack some laughter at the goofiness they bring in.

Handpicked Quotes your way…

#1 Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. — Carol Burnett

#2 They vomit a lot. For a second, I thought I needed to rename my first Linda Blair and hire a priest, because she was spitting up so much. — Jimmy Fallon

#3 Having a new baby is like suddenly getting the world’s worst roommate. — Anne Lamott

#4 24/7. Once you sign on to be a mother, that’s the only shift they offer! — Jodi Picoult

#5 I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like my husband. — Unknown

#6 Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shovelings the sidewalk before it stops snowing. —Phyllis Diller

#7 Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pants less when your baby walks around pants less. — Tina Fey

#8 I’m a walking zombie and I think I’m going to be like that for a while. — Tiffani Thiessen

#9 If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? — Milton Berle

#10 In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced on television. — Erma Bombeck

#11 A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops. — Maurice Johnston

#12 The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable. —Lane Olinghouse

#13 Having an infant son alerts me to the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face. — Olivia Wilde

#14 You never know when you’re going to get crapped on or when you’re gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics. It might be like living with a rug addict. — Blake Lively

#15 None of it is real until all of a sudden, they’re standing there covered in slime and crying. You’re like, wait a minute, what is that? — George Clooney

#16 When you have a baby, sleep is not an option. You can’t sleep. Even on vacation, you wake up at 6:30 a.m. — Jimmy Fallon

#17 A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. — Jerry Seinfeld

#18 When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out. — Erma Bombeck

#19 People who say, they sleep like a baby, usually don’t have one. — Leo Burke

#20 Our baby in particular is, we think, allergic to sleep. We think that she thinks that she’s protecting us from the sleep monsters. She’s like ‘Oh, I gotta keep them up or the sleep monsters will get them.’ — Ryan Reynolds

#21 Spit up is my new favourite accessory. No outfit is complete without it. — Unknown

#22 You’d be surprised how durable babies are. You hold them like they’re Fabergé eggs, and then ― wonk! ― she hits her head on the table and you think, ‘Oh my gosh, did I give her a dent on her head that’s going to be there forever?’ But babies aren’t that precious. Everyone turns out fine. Just love them and make them laugh. I make my daughter laugh every day. — Jimmy Fallon

#23 Sleep is like the unicorn- it is rumoured to exist, but I doubt I will see any. — Dr. Seuss

#24 When I was born, I was so mad at my parents that I didn’t talk to them for two years. — Unknown

#25 How could something so small create so much of something so disgusting? — Steve Guttenberg in Three Men and a Baby

#26 So, I don’t breathe through my nose, I totally plug my nose, ‘Oh my god, cute baby! So cute.’ And then, I have these wipes and I wipe and I wipe — I wipe too much. At this point they’re going all over the baby; I make sure there’s nothing even around the baby. Then I put this diaper rash thing on that I also use, so I save money. — Jimmy Fallon

#27 Babies are always more trouble than you thought – and more wonderful. — Charles Osgood

#28 That moment when you go to check on your sleeping baby and their eyes ping open so you drop to the floor and roll out of the room like a ninja. — Unknown

#29 Don’t ever tell the mother of a new born that her baby’s smile is just gas. — Jill Woodhull

#30 Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse. — Nia Vardalos

#31 You know you’re old when you barely do anything all day but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything. — Unknown

#32 The only things kids wear out faster than their shoes are their parents. — John J. Plomp

#33 Welcome to parenthood, where you favourite new game will be ‘guess that bodily fluid.’ — Unknown

#34 There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you. — Peter De Vries

#35 That people think they can talk to you about poop. ‘Oh, you have a new baby? Is she sleeping? Is she pooping?’ Normally I’d be blushing, but as a parent you just get used to it, and pooping is just another verb in your vocabulary. — Jimmy Fallon

#36 A baby’s a full-time job for three adults. Nobody tells you that when you’re pregnant, or you’d probably jump off a bridge. Nobody tells you how all-consuming it is to be a mother—how reading goes out the window and thinking too. — Erica Jong

#37 I was on planes [and] when babies would cry, I would be mad at the families. Now I’m like, ‘Let them cry, let them do whatever they want. They can sit on me and poop if they want.’ Now I know more. — Mindy Kaling

#38 Sleep? Yes, I have a vague recollection of what that was like. — Unknown

#39 Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other. — Ed Howe

#40 Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it. – Marshall McLuhan

#41 At 10 months old, I had her reading foreign language books — Donde Esta Spot? was a big one. ‘Donde esta Spot?’ My voice gets deeper when I read espanol, and I don’t even speak Spanish. But she doesn’t know that. Then I read French like ‘Bonsoir, lune?’, which is ‘Goodnight Moon’ in French, and I definitely don’t know any French. But I just keep saying things as a question? ‘Bonsoir, lune? Bonsoir, balloon? Bonsoir, oatmeal? Bonsoir, tiny mouse?’ — Jimmy Fallon

#42 You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance? — Franklin P. Jones

#43 They eat, they crap, they sleep. And if they’re crying, they need to do one of the three and they’re having trouble doing it. Real simple. — Matthew McConaughey

#44 Having children is like living in a frat house- nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up. — Ray Romano

#45 Babies are cutest when they’re someone else’s problem. — Unknown

#46 Sometimes going to bed feels like the highlight of my day. Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings. — Jim Gaffigan

#47 if olive oil is made from olives then what is baby oil made from?!? — Unknown

#48 If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland. – Dave Barry

#49 The first night your baby sleeps 8 hours straight, you think you’d celebrate. Instead, you will run into their room thinking ‘Oh my god, are they breathing?!’ — Unknown

#50 When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: ‘Fetch!’ — Bruce Lansky