Bond with your baby – It has been a few days and you have just not connected to your newborn. When you mention this to your friends and relatives, they make you feel bad with negative comments of not being a good parent.
It makes you more depressed. Guilt is rising and you are in the darkness all alone. Let me clear out this for you. You are not alone.
Bringing a newborn to your home can be overwhelming and stressful. It is a life changer for all parents. For some, pregnancy was not smooth and delivery even more difficult. Others feel the connection and are ready for parenthood as soon as they are out of the hospital.
It is normal for all parents to feel either way. It is OK not to feel the bonding right away. Sometimes it can take weeks or even months.
- The Benefits of Bonding
- Common Reasons for lack of Instant bond with your baby
- Ways to Bond with your baby
The Benefits of forming a Bond with your baby
Bonding refers to the special connection between a parent and their baby. This connection can take place immediately when the parent lays their eyes on their newborn or after some time. It is natural to feel either way.
Those chubby cheeks, soft skin, and sweet smell of a newborn can spark love at first sight. Researchers have emphasized that a bond with your baby is healthy and nurturing for both the parent and the baby.
Furthermore, it helps in the integral growth for the baby. Doctors recommend having a skin to skin contact with the baby right after birth.
This physical touch initiates the start of milk production, which is very beneficial for the baby. Exclusively breastfeeding is the healthiest and the best way to bond with your baby.
Breast feed is also known to increase the IQ of the bay. To know more ways of how to boost IQ of the baby. Read our article 15 ~ Easy ways to Boost your baby’s IQ for pointers.
This unique bonding builds trust to the baby. The baby gets to know that he or she has loved ones to fulfill the needs with just a cry.
A cry can mean several things. It is a way of communication for the baby to be fed or changed. Sometimes, a cry means that he or she is just scared and wants comfort.
A parent should not worry about the ongoing cries because a baby does not cry because of sadness like we do as adults. Crying is the only way of communication for your baby. However, to help you handle the crying part better we have given you some tips and hack in our article Why is my Baby Crying? Tips to calm your crying Baby
Common Reasons for lack of Instant bond with your baby
There are numerous reasons why a parent does not feel the connection in the initial months of having a newborn. The lack of connection is due more to the surroundings and situations than the baby itself.
A parent-to-be spends 9 months of pregnancy. She daydreams about the moment she will hold the baby after anxiously waiting for a long time.
Not to mention, she hears other parents having “the moments” with the precious little bundle of joy.
Parents are supposed to feel the connection as soon as the baby arrives as if it is a must-to-have-feeling. But wait, why does she not feel the connection right away in the very first month.
Let us look at some of the reasons.
Fear of not doing a great job as a mom
All parents want to excel in parenthood. Afterall, they are surrounded by perfect moms. Some parents take this feeling of being excellent at parenthood deep down to the roots. In some cases, it prevents from bonding with the newborn.
In this type of scenario, parents should take a deep breath and just get into it.
No parent is perfect. However, parents can try their best in providing and nurturing the baby.
Being Overwhelmed with newborn’s demands
You probably have heard of this phrase “it takes a village to raise a child”. Well, this is not exactly how it works to be honest.
At the hospital, you had nurses and doctors supporting you and your baby.
But when you come home. Your husband is at work and you are all alone with the baby. You are overwhelmed with the house chores, laundry, cooking, and a baby who requires every minute of your attention.
This can be a bummer it prevents from bonding with the newborn. It prevents from bonding with the newborn. Let me tell you a secret. This is very normal.
Take a deep breath, relax and do as much as you can. It is ok to accept help from friends and neighbors.
It is ok to have take-out meals. Things will not stay the same for long. You will adjust to the big new change and everything will be alright. I can assure you that. I Promise.
In case you have a pet then it is also important you understand how to introduce your baby to your pet. Article 19 ~ Amazingly simple ways to introduce your baby to pets can throw some light on this.
Having a pet in the long run will be beneficial for your baby and the bond will last a lifetime
Unexpected set of events
The doctor said everything is ok and you will have a natural birth. Just a month before the expected date, you are in labor. Some complications develop after hours of pains, and you are going for a c-section. Now, you have the stitches pain to deal with.
This can be a very common scenario for any parent bringing a baby in the world. So, you are not alone.
The positive side of the above scenario is that the nightmare is over, and the baby is just fine. Looking at the positive side can help overcome the trauma a parent has faced.
A parent needs to heal physically and emotionally, so it is bound to take some time to create a bond with your baby.
I faced this issue with my daughter. My first 2 pregnancies had been a normal delivery and I was very much expected to have a normal delivery the 3rd time around. But in the final minutes of labour it turned out to become a C-section to save my baby girl.
The stitches. The pain post C section and complications were something I was not anticipating leave alone be prepared for.
So, holding a baby, feeding her, attending to all her needs. When I was battling with the pain, the stitches, the long labour. Bonding was the last ting in my mind. All I felt was to pass my baby off to someone else and take care of myself and my survival.
The mother’s health condition prevents from bonding with the newborn in some cases.
So, I can tell it with experience and authority that it is OK to relax and avail any possible help to heal.
When you feel better about yourself and have healed to an extent. You will automatically start to enjoy the bundle of joy and initiate the strong and special bond with your baby.
Babies health and Problems
When baby suffers a setback. And the babies in NICU. There is lot of anxiety around in the air.
Trying to survive the anxiety and doing what is best for the baby takes a paramount interest in a parent’s mind.
Bonding with the baby in a natural way through breastfeeding, cuddling, giving bath and all this is arrested. And the time that you get to spend with your baby gets limited. It prevents from bonding with the newborn
While you would be allowed and permitted to be inside an NICU for some time. But with all the tube’s and all the scene that happens and the way you look at your baby lying down helplessly between these machines can evoke a helpless feeling in you. And naturally fear and anxiety.
Ways to Bond with your baby
Maintain good bonding with your spouse
Just a simple one on one time can significantly boost a beautiful strong bond with your baby. So, Phones and other things of distraction should be put aside, and quality time should be given to your baby.
Although babies look tiny, but their senses are much greater. They can sense the bond between the parents. When they sense a strong bond, they feel more secured in their environment.
Also, a strong bond with your spouse means you are in less stress. This also translates to you being in a good mood and can give quality time to your baby.
Decrease the stress on the milestones
Yes, the internet has all the information on what stage your baby should be at a month. However, do not take it too strictly.
A baby will reach the milestones at its own pace. No need to stress over it. Your anxiety will translate to your baby and this will lead to be getting more anxious and stressed.
You will invariably land up having one cranky unhappy baby in your hand if you compare your baby with other babies’ developmental milestones and try to rush your baby into achieving them.
Read to your baby
You might think that your baby is very small. And does not understand the meaning of words or the story that you are reading to your baby.
So why even waste time reading to your baby. You are right your baby may not understand the story that you are reading to them.
But your baby is learning in numerous ways than you can even care to imagine.
Your baby is learning from your voice, your tone, your pronunciation. The baby is understanding how natural languages sounds.
At the same time your baby is watching your facial expressions and is trying to relate and communicate to you. All this will help to bond with your baby.
Reading to your baby is also a very important thing to build communication and vocabulary skills in your baby.
To know more about how to read to your baby, the benefits of reading and how to choose the right book for your baby. Read articles How to Read to your Baby: 7 Simple Techniques and DO YOU KNOW HOW READING BENEFITS YOUR BABY? to get an idea.
Respond to the cries
Its time you listen less to know it all relatives and more to your baby’s needs. Responding to the cries of your baby will not spoil him or her.
It builds trust between the parent and the baby. It lets the baby know that there is someone available for me to solve all my problems.
Verbal communication from your baby is through cries. There are lot of nonverbal communication that your baby tries to do with you.
Baby does this through body language. To know some of the few common body languages and what they mean. You can read article 12 Baby Body Language that You SHOULD Know
Greeting his body language correctly and attending to your baby’s need can give you one happy bouncy baby in your hand.
Become a pro in swaddling
Swaddling is good till the time you baby starts rolling over. Once your baby starts to rollover it is advised to stop swaddling and instead tuck your baby tight as safe sleep practices.
There are few things that you need to watch out for once your baby starts rolling over to get a head-start do read our article SAFETY WATCH OUT!! ~ WHEN baby start ROLLING- OVER.
Massage the baby
Massaging a baby gives many benefits. It triggers a strong bond between the parent and the baby. Also, it helps the baby to sleep better and helps in relieving cholic.
Not only does it solve physical problems in a baby, but it gives internal benefits like enhances the immune system, motor skills, and boosts intellectual development.
More cuddles and more hugs
There is no end for a parent to give enough hugs and cuddles to that giggling baby. Make sure you absorb the moments as much as you can. These moments will not come back.
There is nothing as too many hugs or too many kisses. Every such gesture of yours will help your baby feel secure in your love.
This security reduces anxieties in your baby. And it will also help in growing up to be a confident adult.
If you like to know more about baby anxiety issues do you read article How-To deal with anxiety in Babies & Toddlers.
Dress-up your Baby
Dressing up your baby is an excellent way to bond with your baby. Doesn’t it melt your heart when you see your baby all dressed up?
Well, this will make you hug and kiss your baby even more. In the end, you are giving positive response to your baby to trigger growth and a strong personality.
This is a simple day today activity that can help you in bonding with your baby. If you like to know on other day today activities that will impact your baby’s development read article 12 Everyday activities that WILL impact baby’s development.
Get Silly with your baby
Make silly faces like stick out your tongue or a wacky eye-browed face. This will make your baby smile with glee.
Play peek a boo. Act silly. Your baby will not judge you. Infact your baby will try and participate with you. And you both with bonding in no time.
Also, sing her favorite song in goofy tones is also an excellent way to get out those giggles. You will be rewarded with uncontrollable giggles and accompanied by coo-coo sounds.
Singing is an excellent way to bond with your baby. If you like to know how to sing to your baby. Read our article Benefits of singing to your baby. You will be amazed to know the benefits of singing to your baby and how you can create a healthy bond with your baby.
Talk to your baby
Feeling lonely. Well you got a great listener in your arms. Talk to your baby. Let it all out.
Your baby is amazing listener. They will be delighted that you are talking to them.
I was in college when my elder son was born, and I would tell him all the answers to my college subject questions. While happily sitting wide eyed listening to me. He even would nod to all that I am trying to tell him.
Some parents find it funny to talk to their baby. Specially doing a “baby talk” with them. Or article on ‘baby talk’ can help you overcome this obstacle. It also will help you in making you aware of the amazing benefits of baby talking to your baby and how to do it.
It is a life-changer for all parents when they have a new addition in the family. A new-born baby requires a lot of attention in the first few months.
The only way they can communicate all their needs is by crying. The crying can panic a new parent or even worse, take her to depression.
It can be overwhelming for a new parent to know the different types of crying for different needs. A parent needs to know that this phase will not last long and a strong bonding will develop eventually.
For some parents, the bonding clicks as soon as the baby arrives. For some it will take time. Do not fret and go about with the right intent. You and your baby will settle down eventually. And bonding will automatically happen.
This bond is very beneficial and nurturing for the baby to grow to their maximum potential. It is an everlasting bond! One worth all the effort.
We hope this blog has been helpful to you. If Yes, show us love by sharing the blog post with your friends and loved ones.
Tell us your experience. Was your bond with your baby instant or did it take some time?