How to build positive family relationship with your teen
Family relationship with your teen: At the start I want to share some inspiring quotes about family.
“A happy family is an earlier heaven’’
Another saying is: “You leave home to seek your fortune and, when you get it, you go home and share it with your family’’
Family is a network that provides love support and care to every member. Family Is the most important thing in everyone life. We all seek help from our families in our difficult times.
Topics Covered in this Blog
- How family role changes as your child becomes a teen
- 15 reasons why family relationships with your teen is important
- Some tips how you can build positive family relationship with your teens
- My personal Advice for parents of teenagers
Introduction – Family relationship with your teen
Your teen might look big. Probably grown bigger than you and they are taller than you. They may appear an act independent. And we might tend to think that they can be on their own and little effort is needed from our side.
Trust me from experience When I tell you this. They need more of your time then what your school going child needed.
And family relationship with your teen becomes crucial as your child becomes a teen.
How family role changes as your child becomes a teen
As mentioned above your teen needs you more now than ever.
There are a million topics that you need to educate them on. And ten million dangers lurking around the corners waiting for your teen to slip.
There are many ways your role and that of the Family relationship with your teen starts to change as your teen progresses into teen years.
Below are some that I have experienced…
- Your role slowly migrates from just nurturing and providing for your child. To that of partnering, guiding, disciplining, financial support, material help and emotional support.
- Your life experiences and knowledge come very handy in this period. Which can become a model for your teen.
- These experiences and that you will now want to receive from your parents will give you guidance on how to tackle the situation.
- You will now have to insist and make them accountable and responsible for their actions and choices.
- Peer relationship starts taking precedence. So, you need to prepare them to choose the right type of friends.
- You will face attitude and behaviour challenges but with a firm grip using a velvet glove you will get be able to face them as you go along.
- Help them deal with their impulse control issues. Warn and precaution them and hope they exercise discretion.
- They start having their own value systems, their rules, and boundaries. You will have to acknowledge them and respect it.
- Learn to handle sexual and relationship challenges and issues.
- After all love is not just to indulge your teen but able to discipline them.
- This is also a stage where you need to start preparing them to leave your nest. Be on their own and totally independent in few short years.
- You will have to start handing them over responsibilities.
- Teach them life skills needed to survive along in adult life.
- Your role at times will be to withdraw, exercise selective detachment so they are able to face challenges independently.
- Start and prepare them gradually to move them towards adult life.
When teens share more positive and friendly relationship with their family, things become easier. Not only for teens but also for parents as well. And family relationship with your teen is in a positive note.
With more positive family relationships teens feel more security, care, love, and value.
I personally feel it is the most emotionally draining phase for me. But it is also a phase where I enjoy the most the company of my teens.
15 reasons why family relationship with your teen is very important
Family plays vital role in the overall well-being of teens. Family gives confidence, self-esteem and, it is a great feeling to be a part of positive and warm family.
I will discuss several reasons for why positive family relationship with your teen is needed for our children.
- Good family relationship with your teen helps them to solve their problems related to any issue.
- Your teen learns how to manage relations with close ones.
- Family ties help teen to recoup or bounce back from any mistakes or falls.
- Strong family relationship with your teen helps them to learn how to happily live with different kind of people views and habits. They become well adjusted adults. Who are considerate and caring?
- Good family bonding helps your teen build self-confidence, Self- esteem, self-belief and develop their identity.
- When family relationship with your teen is strong. They learn how to respect other emotions, feelings and point of views.
- Teens learn how to communicate effectively with others.
- Teens feel love, security, and value from a positive family relationship.
- When teen enjoys positive relationship with family, they build positive outlook to life, show hope, display optimism, and enjoy life.
- With supporting family teens can overcome their difficulties like in education or in healthy habits etc.
- A good and supportive family gives the needed mental strength to the teen and the teens become less likely to drugs and alcohol uses.
- With good limits, boundaries, and family rules. It helps to prevent and protects teenagers from getting exposed to risky situations.
- Teens who share good family relationships usually less likely to stress, depression and anxiety.
- Teen whose parents spend time educating them on teen related issues and topics are better equipped to face or avoid testing situations positively.
- A stable family with clear rules, expectations and boundaries bring about consistency and predictability in your teen’s life. This will also help your teen to model their life accordingly.
As we have discussed why positive family relationship with your teen are important, now we will look how you can build a positive family relationship with your teen.
You can read about teen How to influence your teenager’s mental well-being and How-To HELP & EASE stress in your teenager from our article’s mental well-being and stress, respectively.
Some tips how you can build positive family relationship with your teens
Have meals together
I saw in many homes all family members usually take their meals to their rooms, and that is not a good thing at all.
You should make a routine of your family about at least one meal in a day together. Encourage your teens to be on time for dinner or breakfast.
Family dinners are the great opportunity to talk to every person. At the daytime it is not possible for all to share a family meal but at the dinner time you can encourage your teens and other members to come and have a dinner together.
At dinner you can ask everyone what is going on in their lives. Or how was their day.
In this way everyone gets to know about each other life and problems. This thing will develop a more positive and open family relationship with your teen and with every individual of family.
This will also give you some insight of your child’s eating habits, and you can spot eating disorder early on. Read more about it in our article How-To SPOT & HELP Eating disorder in your teenager
Plan for family outings
No matters how many times you go for outing with your friends and colleagues but try to plan family outings with your kids and partner.
Family outings are the great chance to have fun together away from all the regular stuff and work.
Try to plan favorite activities of your teens during outing. This thing will develop a feeling of togetherness and love in your teens.
Have set Family routines
Family time and routines help your teen how to set aside time for their family special days and times.
For example: We has Saturday night as movie night. Each kid gets one week in a month to choose the movie and the rest of us watch it. This thing will develop a feeling of love and care in teens with all the members of family.
Also, it builds adjustment and respect for each other. (esp. when it is the little ones turn and usually the family ends up watching cartoons.)
Do activities that increase bonding
Playing boards games or a simple card game is a good way to spend time bonding.
We have talent show on Sunday afternoon. Where kids put a skit or a song or anything, they think of together for us.
They even plan, discuss and practice for this. We do it twice a month.
Make plans together
Try to decide things with your teens. This thing can be simple like plans about any special event or plans about celebration of a birthday party of any member of family.
You can involve all your children in such kind of activities and plans. Events like family picnic, birthday party for a family member, Decorating the Christmas tree.
We were lucky enough to have at least one birthday or a festival every month starting May to December. So, there was always a reason to make plans together.
You might be interested to read our article How-To deal with teen sons – A father’s perspective
Family update meetings
Family meetings are good ways to talk about any planning. Try to include all your kids in conversation. Ask for each other opinions and ideas.
This thing will develop a way of considering options and respecting each other opinions in your teens and in little ones.
We use this time to discuss about our family, Larger family, Prayer requests, Health of members. Challenges faced etc…
Have these meeting as technology free meeting? You can get some insights on how to help your teen with internet addiction from our article internet addiction.
Family finance meetings
I am writing this separately because the agenda of the meeting is a fixed one. We do this once a month in the beginning of the month.
The family finance meeting is meant only for finances. Here we review our kids spend note. Analyze it and give our guidance.
Their pocket money is given. The money for the respective household expense if given to the respective kids. E.g. Money for monthly grocery shopping to my son. Money for weekly adoch expense to my daughter etc.
Set House rules
Set clear family/ house rules for your teens. Tell them this is the limitation, and nobody can cross that.
For example, you can say in our family we always respect our elders, or in our family we always respect each other opinion.
You can set a limit for your teens. Limits on when they are expected to come home. TV viewing time etc.
One of the rules that we have is not technology during family time or meetings.
Reiterate these rules during your family time and make expectations and consequences clear.
Try to share your family accomplishment stories with your teens. You can also tell them about your own abilities and thing you achieved in your life.
Try to narrate stories with good moral lessons or life lessons. This thing not only gives positive energy to your teen, but they will also take guidance from your experience.
Stories are a good way to instill moral values, set expectations. It is also an effective way to get your point across to your teenager.
You may be interested to read our articles
Celebrate your teen achievements and special days
Try to celebrate accomplishments or every success of your teen.
This thing will develop more positive energy in your teens, and they try to do more positive things in future.
You can also reward them with benefits, privileges, or allowances. But a celebration where all in family participate gives a good signal to your teen.
My friend had an expensive blue ceramic plate which she would serve dinner on for the teen who have come home with an accomplishment.
Give some responsibilities to your teen
Try to give some responsibilities to your teen regarding to household thing.
For example, you can say your teen take care of their little siblings. You can also say to your teen take little siblings to shopping or any special event or help little ones in their studies.
By this your teen not only learn responsible behavior but this thing will also develop more friendly relationship between all your children.
Read more about chores and how they help your teen in our article All You Need to know about Chores for Your Teenager.
Show genuine kindness and support
Show genuine kindness and support to your teen when they are in their difficult times. Try to stand with them and provide them with family support.
Make sure they know very well that their families will be there for support no matter what is going on or what the condition is.
Our article How to Prepare your Teenager Face Challenges in Life can give you more insight and can be of help.
Spend quality time with your teens
Life is too busy these days. We have so much stuff to do every day, but parents should not ignore their family at all.
No matter how busy you are, you should always spend some quality one on one time with your children. Even few mins on daily basis will do.
You are the first educator; first guider of your teens and it is your responsibilities. Have some undivided time with each of your kid to talk about more serious topics. Such as peer pressure, drugs, sex education, bullying, choosing friends etc…
A teen that is well informed is usually well equipped to face situations when they creep up.
You can read about all these topics and much more from our many articles… spend time and browse through these topics from the link given -> Parenting challenges faced while raising teen.
Try to have an open communication with your children. Try to know about what is going on in their lives. Talk about things they love most. Talk about their habits and choices.
I must say, do not always discuss about studies about their responsibilities. It is not a good idea at all.
This thing will lead to you towards a formal relation with your teen.
If you want a friendly relation, then you should know about their topic of interest and talk about their favorite things and activities.
My personal Advice for parents of teenagers.
Someone once asked What’s the best advice you can give to a parent whose kid is about to become a teenager?
My honest reply basis my experience was…
Brace yourself… The best and the worst is yet to come…
Remind yourself occasionally you both are on the same side of the court. Though they will act as you are the enemy.
Bite your tongue… clench your fist… Go for a walk… learn all coping mechanisms there is… You will need that and more…
Yet you will have a friend like no other when you get it right. It will feel amazing when they come to you for advice.
You know you are shaping a person. When they tower above you in height yet when they sleep, they look so helpless… feels worth it (for few minutes).
Words can be sharper than sword. it can pierce through your heart. Learn to grow buffalo skin or turn deaf. Do not let it get to you.
Seek silence and speak when it is absolute must. Do not go to your teens age and fight as an equal.
Try working with them. Do not give up. Never give up…
Educate yourself more and the better you will be in facing the phase.
There may be ups and downs in your teen relation with family at adolescence phase, but things become better with the time.
You will also grow more with your teenager. Build the bond, be there for them as a family and it will stay a lifetime.
Some of the articles I feel are important for parent to know about are.
- How-to help your teen to choose right friends
- How to help with poor academic performance in your teen
- How-To talk to teen about Sex, Drugs and Alcohol
At the end I want to conclude things by saying that nothing in this world is more important than a positive and supportive family for a person.
Teens with more warm and supportive families are usually with more stable personalities. They become more likely to success and achievements.
Good family relationships give teens self-confidence, feeling of self-worth, feeling of love and care.
The only thing as parent you need to do is to make sure family relationship remain strong during this up and down phase. To reap a lifelong benefit of having a loving and caring adult by your side.
If our article has been of help to you do show love by sharing with your friends and loved ones.
Let us know how you went about building good family relationship with your teen? Leave your comments below…