Deal with teen sons: As a father of two teenage boys I can tell you only one thing for sure. No, two days are the same. Sometimes I feel they both gang-up together against me. And sometimes they take turns.
At times I have even felt jealous of my wife. Because I feel they just go to her with all smiles… “Mummy this… Mummy that…” and be a little kid getting all for love and affection from her.
But all said and done, I can also tell this for sure that as their maturing to be an adult.
There are lot of times they have done things which has made me proud. Where I can look at them and see the man, they are going to turn out to be. And it brings a smile on my face.
But they are not going to get there on their own without some help, nudge, intense discussions, and tough love.
And when we know how we impact our little one… we will be better equipped to guide and point them to the right direction.
Read on to know on how to deal with teenage son.
The father has a fundamental role in the construction and education of his son from birth to adulthood and particularly in adolescence.
A father must be present at every key moment in his son’s life: being a sports partner, being there for birthdays, opening the world to him, laughing; it is all part of the father’s role.
In teenage, the son needs to rub against a strong masculine image; he then took a model from his father to build himself.
The father must welcome his son as he is, with his strengths and weaknesses show him that he loves him; have moments of sharing, laughing, but also confrontation.
Respecting women, love, sharing, respect for others is also part of what the father must teach his son. His absence will inevitably lead to a lack, an imbalance for the child.
But if a stepfather, a grandfather, a companion can replace him, and then the future man will be able to face positively a masculine image which will help him to grow.
Today, fathers are more involved in the education of their children: they bathe them, cuddle them, and take them to daycare.
Now a day’s sons are more attached with fathers and adopt many good and bad habits from fathers.
Mostly your child says my father is my ideal etc. that thing motivate the child to become a good and ideal person.
The father is the one who gives the limits and is the referent for his son. He does not hesitate to use this authority, especially when the boy is not listening!.
This is one of the important trait that is needed when we deal with teen sons.Frequently, the son sometimes “hates” his father. Symbol of authority, the son is often in admiration of this model par excellence.
Even if the dialogue between father and son is sometimes difficult, a relationship of complicity, tenderness can still be born and grow. The image of the authoritarian father should disappear as the child approaches adulthood.
How should fathers deal with teen sons?
Fatherhood plays a very important role in son behavior and their good development. There are many things you can do to develop a strong bond with your son.
Spend more time with your son
Because of the work pressure in the fast pace of life today it is only understandable that fathers these days are very busy. And there is seldom time for them to give to their teenage son.
Especially after hard day’s work it is much relaxing to just sit in your coach and TV, browse the net or play some video games.
We love our children, but we also need to take a rest after a busy day’s work. Especially when we come back home from work.
However, this is a big mistake, the time you do not dedicate to your children you will never recover.
Sons’ who grow up with the feeling of absent father often have affective and emotional deficits in teenage.
In some cases,
This can lead to depression in teenagers. And one of the main reasons of depression is the feeling of not being loved. If you like to know more about depression issues in teenager to reader article How-to find out if your teenager is battling depression?.
So, it is very important to spend your time with children such as playing, chatting, or doing anything else that both of you enjoy.
How can we deal with teen sons. When we don’t know what we are dealing with?.
Therefore, plan and take advantage of every moment to spend time with your son. Also, really involve them in your activities so that you can get to know them and help them.
Weekdays I hardly get to spend time with my teen sons. (Sidetone: They appeared to be busier than me).
However, Sunday was meant completely for family. And each Sunday of the month one of the kids decides how the family spends their time.
By making this a habit I still was able to ensure that I spent at least 7 hours in a week (translate it to 1 hour a day) with my children.
Communicate and listen to your son:
Your son needs person, who give the guidance about any issue.
Listening to what they have to say, their experiences and concerns, implies that we care about and care about them.
It is important to share the thoughts and emotions with your child and make a bound. It is very important to communicate with your child about any issue.
Especially since you belong to the same sex of your son. It becomes even more important that certain topics you will be more equipped to face and answer. Then a parent of the opposite sex. Your son will also feel comfortable talking to you on certain topics than to his mother.
Topic such a sex education is better handled by parents belonging to the same sex.
If you like to know how to handle such sensitive yet very important ones that every parent should have with their children. Do read our in-depth article on How-To have constructive sex talk with your teenager
It is essential that you must set limits (although flexible). What your child does and how far they can go.
When your son follows the limits, give some relaxation in boundaries.
This might sound old school, but it is always better when the father is the head of the family. And holds the authority to define the rules of the family.
In that way you have a better control on the activities of your teenage son. And you can ensure that he acts within the boundaries and rules of the family.
One of the rules we have in the family is to return home before sunset. This is strictly enforced upon. Since the rule is more transparent and clear kids accordingly adjust the schedule to adhere to this rule.
Do not compare your son to others:
It is much more important that do not compare your son with other children or siblings.
Making comparisons with other people can make the teen son think that he is not good enough or that he is not appreciated.
And he will only appreciate himself based on what others have or do.
I have seen in my experience with my children. That my kids were more hurt when I as their father compare them at times unknowingly with another sibling or their friend.
I have also seen that my daughter takes it most seriously when her mother passes a judgment on her than when I do.
It has led me to believe that when the child falls short of the expectation of the parent of the same sex. The child takes it more seriously since the child is emulating to be like the parent.
Comparisons can lead the kid to start feeling anxious and with too many such anxiousness can lead into anxiety issues in a teenager. If you like to know more on anxiety issues in a teenager do read article How-To SPOT & DEAL with Teenage Anxiety Issues.
Praise his achievements:
Very often fathers are more cut and right. Since we have high expectations from our sons.
We are quick to highlight the bad things of your child out of interest to make them better. We deal with teen sons in a slightly more stern way than with our daughters.
And while our son does something right, we tend to take it in our stride. We do not stop to appreciate or mention of it.
It is important for parents to give praise and encourage your son when they do something good. I have found myself guilty of this a lot many times. My wife tends to remind me when she spots it.
And I have made a commitment that when it comes to my notice, I will not shy away from it and tell my son of the good work.
In this way the child is reinforced his good behavior.
Engorgement builds unity within children and develops interest to learning new things.
This is one of the most useful tips to be a good parent. This brings about a positive cycle rather than a destructive one.
Also, when the good our children do gets highlighted. It enhances their self-confidence and it helps them make better decisions next time.
No other ways of developing self confidence in a teenager you can read article How to develop self-confidence in your teenager
Do not overprotect your son: give him space:
A typical mistake made by many fathers is the idea of continually protecting their child, trying to limit possible situations that could harm them.
But over protection does not allow the individual to learn and grow. It makes it difficult for him to make his own decisions.
Let your son fall and make mistakes because mistakes make a child stronger.
How a child to make mistake, is one of the methods in which you can prepare your child to face challenges.
The ability to face challenges with the right attitude is a very important life skill to teach our children. You can read about it more in article How to Prepare your Teenager Face Challenges in Life.
Answer your sons doubts and questions
Teenage is a times when the son begins to observe different aspects of reality, discovering a large amount of information.
While this point is nothing to do directly with how to deal with teen sons. However, this is a proactive tip so that we don’t need to Deal with teen sons issues later on.
The world is complex, and your son has lot of doubts. Answering your son questions help them better as they face life.
So, you will be able to answer your sons’ question only when you are spending time with your son. And your approachable enough for him to ask you questions.
To get to this point is easy if you already have established an emotional connection with your child. If that is not the case, I would like you to read our article How-To Easily build Emotional Connection with your Teenager build this habit.
One of the best ways that you can get your point across to your teenager while helping him with his questions. Is to talk to him with examples from your past.
It will help him relate to things better and let him know that you have walked this path and you have authority’s in what you are speaking to him.
It will also show to him that you understand how it is to be a teenager and how in time you have turned out to OK.
Be Stern but with love
I love the style of parenting where the parent holds the child with an iron fist but in a velvet glove.
Only strongly believe that I am the only one who can play the role of a father to my child. He has friends to play the role of a friend and others to play their respective roles.
I have no intend to play the role of a friend who accepts anything and everything under the name of friendship with my son.
It might sound to you a bit more of a dictatorship. But let me once again remind you that I am also holding my son with the velvet gloves.
Do not be too much strict with your child and it will make them rebellious. Take it rebellious they not only throw anger stop they also resort to back talking.
In short if Your son does not obey you. If you overstep his boundaries and family rules. And you understand that he has willfully done this. It is good to give him appropriate punishment for his act.
One of the best punishments I can think of yes limit them off the screen time. You can take away their favorite piece of technology. Whether it is your phone or tablet and make them stop using it for a certain time.
Admit your mistakes and accept:
Fathers may be heroes to our sons, someone who is never wrong and does everything right. However, everyone makes mistakes. Parents also make mistakes. It is wise to admit their mistakes and correct it. There is no need to be ashamed.
Explain the error and it is an opportunity for learning and acquiring values such as honesty.
By doing so it does not undermine your authority’s. But however, it teaches your son to rationalist his own thoughts understand the other person’s point of view. Own up to his mistakes and course correct.
When we fail to do it. Keep our egos high we find that we fall short of our teenager’s expectation of us. Later on when we are in a situation to deal with teen sons, they are not very receptive.
From my experience I have seen that every single time I have accepted or apologized for a hasty judgement. Or a misunderstanding where I am at fault. I have only noticed that we as a family have come out of it stronger full
Similarly, it is necessary to accept that children make mistakes and not criticize or shame them for it but understand and support them.
Generate a respectful family climate
It is very important for proper development to have an adequate family climate that generates positive stimulation and allows the acquisition of confidence and different values.
So as a family if we ensure that we are progressive in our outlook. Stop in attracts when we make mistakes learn from it but look forward and move on.
Search positive attitude is infectious and will ensure that the environment in which your son is growing is loving and nurturing.
This implies that we must not only focus on the child as a being, but also on the environment that we are offering him.
Depression and in worst case scenario suicide occurs when the child is in an environment which is not forward looking. And the child loses hope of the future.
As parents of teen no matter how healthy that we feel our children are.
It is still better to be aware of the challenges that our children face and the science that we need to watch out for should they arise. Read article for awareness on Suicide tendency in a teenager. How-to find out suicidal tendency in your teen?.
Educate your son:
It may seem obvious, but it is important to be involved in the education of your sons. This way we can deal with teen sons better and in a educated and progressive way.
Showing them a way of seeing the world, teaching them to act and how society and the environment around them works.
Establishing limits and transmitting norms and values such as respect, tolerance and coexistence are elements of great importance for efficient development and adaptive of the minor.
Make time one by one:
There is need to manage time with each child. So be sure to schedule someone individually with your children. My eldest son loves sports, and we spent many hours tossing hoops in the driveway in the afternoons after dinner.
My youngest son love music and dancing, so I spend ‘talent show” time with him where he shows me the moves that he has recently learnt. So, each child has a value, give the time one by one.
Show love and affection:
This sounds good in theory but let me tell you it is quite difficult at least for me to practice it. I know that I need to do it and I do it because I must do it.
But showering love and affection like how their mother does. It does not come naturally to me. And I feel many of us as fathers have the same problem. Especially when you are trying to show your love and affection to a teenage son who is grown well past your height.
The fact that father show signs of affection with their son has been shown to improve their level of happiness and self-esteem. Expressing your love and affection for your son directly is essential. It causes teens to feel confidence and loved.
It is about making them see that child is loved unconditionally. Your sons also learn to affection towards others and that such expression is not inappropriate or shameful.
My journey to try to implement this. My elder son still feels awkward about it and we respect the space. But my younger one really, really loves this.
Be a good example:
Generally, son seeks to earn the love and respect of their father. In fact, they tend to behave better when their dad is at home, as they regard him as an authority figure.
Sons learn by watching their father and copy him. The father should be a good role model for the children.
Fathers are natural protectors of the house. They are the ones to set boundaries of who can be permitted to mingle with their family and who cannot. And this becomes the broad filter criteria in the family.
Subconsciously you will find the members of the family use this as a benchmark. I often find my sons set similar rules for their younger siblings.
That is almost like how I deal with teen sons they deal with the younger ones. Any friendship that does not fall within this frame they callout on each other.
Involved father is one who brings about a positive change in their son. By watching him the son gets the foundation that is needed to maintain a healthy relationship.
You can read some of the “dad facts” of an involved father in our article 11 Amazing ways FATHER’S contribute to child’s success.
Fathers play an important role in holding the responsibility of running the family, ensuring their economical, financial well being. This is also watched and mimicked by their son.
Habits, language, and mannerisms are some of the few things that your son will look up to you and sponge up whatever you display.
Being a father is forever. Being a parent is something for life. It is not something that we can leave when we want. Or something that has an expiration date when, when the child reaches the age of maturity.
Perhaps our adult children do not depend on us in the same way as in their teenage, but we must always be available to them.
But in the Meanwhile, since we now have a teenager in hand the best that we can do. Is to give our best effort in racing them.
After all, as a father, I think, what we primary look for in our son, is that our sons turns out to be respectable men in the society. Men, who do not shy away from their responsibilities. And be a good father themselves.
I am not a medical practitioner. I am a HR professional and a father of 3 Kids.
This article is written from my perspective. From what I understand and am aware of. What I know and practice while raising my children.
I like to emphasize that this is only for knowledge sharing and information purpose.
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It should not also be a substitute for mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
If you are feeling concerned and worried about your kid. Your instinct tells you to be concerned.
As a parent to parent. I would say trust your instinct. No one knows better than you as a parent to your child. It is best to reach out to a qualified practitioner to address your concern.
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