Deal with Teenager Anger: You are having a family discussion on an upcoming celebration. You are all planning on a place to go for a vacation. Each one in family have a certain input. Your teen also puts forward their ideas.
Knowledge the idea but your whole family is not very kicked about it. So as family you continue discussing and suddenly, your teen gets up from his chair and runs up to his room.
You wonder what just happened because as a family you still have not finalised on your vacation plans. And in between the conversation your teen takes offence and becomes angry and vanishes.
Almost all parents of teems would have at some Face with such situation, anger outburst from their teen.
This anger does not mean for parenting. Take a note that most of us are in the same boat or have travelled the same boat.
If you go and ask your parents there are more chances that they would tell that you have behaved the same way during your teenage years.
- Why teenager became angry?
- What can you do to deal with teenager anger?
- How can you avoid teenage anger in the first place?
As a parent we tend to deal with the tantrums of our children. Most of that problematic behavior can happen anytime and in any places!
At one point of time, your son or daughter can be okay. You are having perfect conversation with them, but suddenly, they become angry because of argument or idea that you have brought up.
They throw up their mood and become mad at you because teenagers are very sensitive. They can be hurt and be offended even in the slightest simple things.
Or your teenager can be angry over a “simple task” that they need to finish before hanging out with their friends.
Sometimes they can be out of control if you do not let them go in their friends’ house.
Teenagers are very emotional because they want freedom. They can be very mad at you especially when they feel that their freedom is being suppressed.
If teenagers do not get what they wanted it will result in some sorts of drama which can lead to some serious problem.
So as a parent, it is important to know how to deal with teenager anger. When your son or daughter is getting mad at you.
But how can you deal with teenager anger? How can you make your son or daughter listen to you?
What are the things that you can do as a parent, to avoid some serious conflict with your son or daughter?
In this Blog, I will elaborate ways and techniques on how you can effectively deal with teenager anger.
Why Teenager Becomes Mad or Angry?
Scientifically speaking, teenagers thirteen years old and up were in the stage called the puberty stage.
In this stage teenagers are experiencing some changes in their body like changes in voices, Adams apple starting to show and many more in boys and girls start to develop breast.
They are also experiencing some changes in their hormones or hormonal imbalance which is one of the reasons of their change in behavior.
This hormonal imbalance affects their mood as they undergo puberty ages.
So, it is important for you, as their parents, to be considerate on what they feel. Knowing what they feel can help you understand the situation.
Another thing that causes the anger of a teenager is the concept of freedom. During this time, your son or daughter are trying his/her best to showcase what they are capable of.
They want to be in control on some parts of their life. They hate to be dictated and scolded by their parents.
I have noticed my son get angry when conversations are in the lines of “you are a teenager and you do not know about it”. When we talk to him as if he is child, but he expects us to treat him as an adult.
If you tried so much to control the freedom and decision of your son or daughter then, that may resort to bouts of anger.
If they are almost constantly ignored or overruled. They may start to feel hopeless and depression can set in.
Read more about how to spot and deal with depression in teenagers in my article How-to find out if your teenager is battling depression?,
What can you do as a Parent to Deal with Teenager Anger?
I have listed below few things that I have followed and following as I go about raising my teenage sons.
Remember that teenagers are experiencing a lot of changes in their life. Your son or Daughter is experiencing pressures in life.
They may be stressed in the school or in their friends so, try to be calm when he/she is angry.
Always be calm when your teenager became angry so that you can resolve the conflict as a parent later.
Do not forget to take deep breath when dealing with your angry son or daughter. I tend to excuse myself from the situation Hey. Go to another room or just go for a long walk.
There is no good that comes out of standing and arguing and fighting with your teen when they are full on blazing their teeth at you.
Know the Problem
Have you ever experience solving a mathematical problem? Parenting is just like that specifically when you are dealing with an angry teenager. You must assess the situation and correctly identify the problem. In that way you can come up with effective solution.
Remember that you cannot solve a problem with another problem.
Sometimes anger outburst is because your teen is anxious about something and being angry at someone, they love becomes coping mechanism for them.
To know more about anxiety related issues the teenager faces read our informative article How-To SPOT & DEAL with Teenage Anxiety Issues
Be a Sensible Parent
The best way to deal with teenager anger is to avoid it from happening.
However, below are some ways how we can be a sensible parent.
Be open to different point of view
One of the ways to be a sensible parent is being able to understand the root cause of the issue. Being open enough to communicate to your teenager. Both your point of view and listen to your teenagers’ point of view.
Accept their point of view when you think that they are right and acknowledge your shortfalls in not understanding.
You could have these effective communications with your teenager only if you built an emotional bond with them. If you like to know how to go about building an emotional bond with your teenager. Then you can read our very down to earth practical article How-To Easily build Emotional Connection with your Teenager
Pick your battles
Times it is also sensible to realise when to fight or insist and when to withdraw. watch out for your teenager actions such as their facial expression and tone of voice.
Their gesture can help you avoid hostile situation. Make sure to noticed changes in their non-verbal communication.
Leave your Kid to Fail
Sometimes being a sensible parent means to put forward your point of view and then leave it to your team to decide on how to proceed. In that way even if your teenager makes a mistake of judgment, they will learn from it.
It is one of our primary duty to help children learn the skill of facing challenges. If you are interested to know more on how to teach your children to effectively face challenges you can read our article How to Prepare your Teenager Face Challenges in Life
Let them Understand the Situation
Explain to your son or daughter the situation. Explain it in a way that they can understand your point of view.
For example, you do not want your daughter to go for an overnight the she got upset. Explain to her the reason behind that decision tell her that “I’m worried about you” or “I’m afraid that something might happen to you”.
Make her understand that it is for her safety. I’m sure that this will lessen down the tension.
Many of the times when you can talk to your child with examples from your own past. Your child becomes more receptive to understand and accept it.
And, “NO” it does not put you in a poor light in front of your child eyes. And there is nothing to feel ashamed about because these experiences are what made you ‘You’ today.
Distract or divert from the topic
During some of these situations where I get caught. Especially when my children are both angry and clingy at the same time.
For my own sanity I use this technique of distracting or diverting from the topic.
The trick that I use is to immediately check my phone and show them something that catches my attention (Like a WhatsApp message or a Facebook update).
Or change the topic by talking about some new I heard and suddenly recalled etc.
One of the tricks that always works like a charm for my second son is when I suddenly praise him or give a pep talk.
While during an outburst of anger I suddenly compliment him on how good his shirt looks and how it suits the pant that he has chosen. Immediately turns attention to his clothes.
And Voila! the topic is changed.
How Can You Avoid and not deal with Teenager Anger in the First Place?
Spend Time to talk with them
Spend some quality time with your daughter or son. Set some time for you to communicate with them, it can be informal time like in dinner.
Make sure that there is at least some time each day that you can communicate or engage with them. You can watch some shows together or play some video games.
Explore all the things you can do together. This will give you opportunities to have time and talk to them.
In any relationship communication is very essential.
Why is it important to communicate? That is because you’ll get to know their situation. You can get opportunity to give them advice if they have problems. They will feel that you care and love for them.
The main reasons for teen suicide as depression. And depression happens when your teenager feels that they are unloved.
And they see no hope for the future. If you like to know about suicidal tendencies in a teenager read article How-to find out suicidal tendency in your teen?
When you spend time with them you show that you love, respect and care for them.
With this, you can build a stronger relationship with your son/daughter that is based on respect and mutual understanding.
Put Yourself in Your Son/Daughter Shoes
Put yourself in their shoes is an idiomatic expression that means “Put yourself in their situation”.
The best way to understand a situation is to be in the situation. Try your best to understand the source of anger of your teenager.
Look at their point of view so that, you can get better understanding of what they are mad about.
As you try to be in their place, you’ll get to identify the source of problem. Maybe you have said something that hurt their feelings.
If, you can do this. I can guarantee you for sure, you will realize something, and this will shift your perspective in solving the problem.
Put Some Humor
Humor has a lot of benefits. Humor helps us to have fun in a workplace that is stressful. It also provides positive benefits in our mental and physical health.
So, try to put some humor when you are dealing with your son or daughter especially, when you are trying to talk with some serious matter.
I’m not saying that don’t be serious when talking with your teenager. What I am saying is to try to lighten up the mood because being humorous is different with being rude.
Try using humor to have a positive set of mood especially when you are going to bring up some serious matters. This will prevent tension levels to arise and can keep your social interaction to be successful.
Example: You want to bring up a topic about sex education. It is a heavy and very uncomfortable topic to talk yet a very important one that every parent should have with their child.
So, when you bring such a topic and your teenager giggles, there is not how in giggling with them this will lighten the mood up. You can bring up more serious matters as you progress into the conversation.
How to start and handle sex education topic with your teenager is outlined in another post. You can click on the link if you are interested to know more. How-To have constructive sex talk with your teenager
One of the things that gets my second son cracking is when I imitate him in a funny and cute way. And being careful not to offend him. But the same trick on my old one will get him much more furious then what he initially was.
So, find that sweet spot for your child. And play the card when things are a betting a bit too heated up.
Establish Set of Rules
As a parent, it is important to establish rules inside your home.
You must have authority over your family so that everything inside your home will be organized and not in chaos.
It is important to be transparent and consistent and to let your teenager child know the rules.
Let them know the things that they should not be doing. But of course, explain to them why it is prohibited. This will make the rules more meaningful to your teenager.
Give Yourself Time to think
If your son or daughter is upset and the tension is too high then maybe; take some time before dealing with it.
Take time to think and understand the situation. Introspect and discuss with your spouse or others. Explore more options, seek to gain more knowledge, and read more.
All this will make you better equipped to handle the tension and the situation and to come up with a sensible solution. Beneficial for all. You can also ease your teen into your insights slowly. There by avoiding a possible outburst.
As parents, it is important to know how we can deal with the anger of our son and daughter. Not only has it given positive result it can also help you grow better as an individual. And prevent you household from very stressful situations.
I have outlined several things I have experimented and done that can help you deal with teenager anger.
In Conclusion, try to understand the reason behind their anger. It can be any reason like stress, school problem, and relationship problem or due to hormonal changes.
You can do a lot of intervention to deal with teenager anger. Remember to keep calm and understand the situation. Try to be sensible parents so you’ll get in touch with their emotion. Make sure to establish rules so that, they know what are the things that they can and can’t do.
There is always a way where you can prevent anger outburst so that you do not have to deal with teenager anger. And you can start by yourself.
You can prevent it happening in the first place by taking time to spend with then, have some quality time with your family to communicate with them.
Understand their perspective by putting yourself into their shoe and lastly try to lighten up the mood by using humor.
All this practical tips and tricks has helped and is helping me tide over the difficult teenage phase of my children. While keeping my sanity intact. And with little stress to the members of the family.
However, I am a mother growing 3 kids. Am a concerned parent.
I like to share my knowledge with the hope that it will be help to someone somewhere and make a difference to a very worried parent.
I have written this article, basis my experience, my talk with experts in this line and research on this topic. Also, I have implemented it in my life with my kids.
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