How-To talk to teen about Sex, Drugs and Alcohol
Sex, Drugs and Alcohol: As teenagers grow up, parent’s controls are being limited. Since teenager spend most of their day outside the house.
Parents cannot monitor all the things that their teenagers are doing. Teenagers are curious about things especially about something that is new to them.
All teenagers have the tendency or temptation to try Sex, Drugs and Alcohol at some point of their teenage life.
For sure, all you want for your teenager is a good life. But, if your teen gets caught in the web of Sex, Drugs and Alcohol it is going to be one hell of a mess to sort out for you.
No matter what you do, you cannot stop the curiosity of a teenager. You cannot stop it from exploring things especially if you are not around.
The only thing that you can do is educate your teenager about those things.
But how to properly educate teenager about sex, alcohol, and drugs? What can you do to make your teenager understand it clearly?
Based on my experience with my 1st son I have come up with an outline on how to have the talk about Sex, Drugs and Alcohol with my teenager. I refined it as I went along to educate my second one and then my third.
I have listed them down with the hope that it is of some help to you. Read on to know more.
- Teenage Sex related matters all you need to know
- Dangers of drugs, few facts and harm it can cause.
- Dangers of Alcohol and harm it can cause.
- Note to parents on next steps to handle Sex, Drugs and Alcohol talk.
Anything is an addiction when it comes in way of responsibilities and commitments. And when one the need makes them go out of the way to find the release that they need. Even at the cost of not following their obligations.
To give a better education to your teenager about Sex, Drugs and Alcohol, it is very important for you as a parent to know and acknowledge the danger it brings to your teenager.
So first you must be well equipped about these topics of Sex, Drugs and Alcohol. So that when the moment comes to talk with your teen.
You are well prepared, and you were equipped with enough information.
Teenage Sex related matters all you need to know
Sex is something that a teenager must not explore yet. It is something that only adult and marriage couple should do.
Even though that is the general rules in the society. However, Teenagers are curious especially about sex because of different reason such us hormones, peer influences and temptation.
NO wonder that 7 of the 10 Teens in US have had intercourse by the time they are 19 yrs. old. 
Some facts on teen sex to give your teen a context
Show your teen some facts that will set some context and give them some reference points. It is also something that will work as a deterrent.
Show them facts like the ones below…
- 82% of the teen pregnancies are unintended. 
- A sexually active teen who does not use contraceptives has a 90% chance of becoming pregnant within a year. 
- 1 in 4 new HIV infections in the US occurs in people under the age of 22. 
7 topics parents must talk about to their teen on Sex
We have outlined broad topics that we feel that parents should talk to their teenage about.
Teach your teen to say NO.
- Tell them very clearly that it is completely alright to say No. Even if they feel obligated or pressurized to say ‘YES’.
- Saying ‘NO’ does not make them a bad person.
- Tell them that nobody can force them to have sex. No matter what the situation is.
- Always let them know that you are ever ready to help them out if they find themselves in such situation.
Teach your teenager to be self-confident so that they can face these challenges head on and stand the ground and say ‘NO’.
If you like to know how to help your team build self-confidence do you read article How to develop self-confidence in your teenager
Birth control and Teen pregnancy
Talk to your teen about birth control. Few topics to cover are…
- Educate your teen on safe and protected sex.
- Talk about Condoms, Pills, and different contraceptives out there in the market.
- Tell them about the various risks associated with different birth control methods.
- Talk to your teen about the possible risk of teen pregnancy. Also tell them about the responsibilities that come along with this.
- Talk about your family’s views on abortion.
Do tell your teen about protected and unprotected sex. Explain to them about the risks associated with unprotected sex. While teen pregnancy is one of the worries.
Also talk to them about the various health hazards such as contacting STD’s HIV, syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea.
Do tell them that Teenagers like themselves and young adults up to the age of 24 account for Almost 50% of all the new STD cases according to center of disease control and prevention surveillance report of 2006.
Healthy or unhealthy Relationships
Teach you teen how to spot a healthy or unhealthy relationship. I have listed below few I could think of and which I have taught my sons and my daughter.
- Make them understand that healthy relationship is one where the partner respects each other’s likes and dislikes.
- In the Right relationship there will be no pressure to engage in sex if one partner does not want it.
- The right relationship will have no manipulation or blackmail or bullying or threats of breaking up the relationship if not engaged in sex.
- The right partner will respect and acknowledge your needs and your point of view and will not be jealous or doubt you if you say NO to their sex request.
Also educate your teenager about peer pressures and how to positively handle them and overcome the challenges faced by this. If you like some help our article 5 Effective ways to deal with Peer Pressure will throw some insights to this.
Do let your teen know that having a sexual relationship can make you feel vulnerable.
Especially when it is with the wrong person. One can feel ‘used’ should the partner walk out of the relationship post physical activity.
Or there is social stigma and shame associated if your companion chooses to kiss and tell.
Also, stress put on your teenager by their partner to engage in sex activity can emotionally impact the teenager. Especially when your teenager is not fully on boarded or ready for it.
The ability to face challenges is one of the most important life skills that I feel as a parent we should teach our children.
If you need some help on how to make your child face challenges with the right attitude article How to Prepare your Teenager Face Challenges in Life can throw some light onto this.
Alcohol & Sex relationship
There is a positive correlation between alcohol and sex. Alcohol inhibits a person’s judgment and makes the person feel courageous to approach another person.
But it also clouds your teenager’s senses and proper judgement cannot be made. Not using alcohol or drugs or any inhibitors will help your teenager think clearly and make clear decisions when it comes to matters of sex.
Do read our article Dating and relationships to get more insights.
Also educate your teenager about sex addiction. Let them know at least the outline of the symptoms of sex addiction.
Some of the symptoms of sex addiction are
- Having sex with multiple partners
- Trying to attempt to have sexual activity at the cost of obligations and commitments.
- Feeling very low or depressed when not indulging in sex.
- Always thinking of or doing things that is related to sex
- Engaging in sex even if you are not in the right mood to do so or with the right partner.
- Getting riskier and more adventurous in sex to get the needed kick out of the act.
Once you make your teen aware of these symptoms. It will help them to spot the signs if they are going though it.
Encourage your teen to talk or reach out for help if they are feeling they are slipping into the addiction. Do assure them of your unconditional love and non-judgemental support.
To know more about sex educations and how to talk to your teenager about sex. What are the conversation starters or openers that you can use? How to conduct yourself during these talks with your teenager, and much more… you can read our article How-To have constructive sex talk with your teenager
Danger of drugs in teenager’s life
Illegal drugs can never be a good thing for a teenager and even for adults. It has so much negative impact to the life of anyone.
Also, It is illegal because it can harm us. It can harm the life of your teenager.
Taking drugs as teenager is something that the government does not permit also. So, your teen can brush up with the law if they are caught in the act.
If you do not know much about drugs. Or how to spot if your teenager is using them or not. If you like to know how to deal with it, you need to read our article How-To find out if your teenager is using drugs.
If, your teenager is taking some illegal drugs make sure to help them stop because they can get some serious consequences.
Few facts you should know…
- Only 10% of people who get caught in drug addiction problem receive treatment.
- More than 90% of the people who started using drugs did this before they were 18 years old.
- In America people between the age of 18 to 25 or more likely to use drugs that are addictive in nature.
Here are some bad effects of drugs for a teenager:
- Health problem such as weakened immune system due to
- dangerous substances
- Mental problems such as hallucinations
- Emotional problem such as aggressive behavior and depression
- Weight loss or malnutrition
- Impaired memory
- Lack of self-control
Remember that substance abuse is one of the coping mechanisms for teenagers who are suffering from depression or anxiety. To know more about depression and anxiety issues in your teenager read article How-to find out if your teenager is battling depression? and How-To deal with anxiety in Babies & Toddlers, respectively.
Danger of alcohol in teenager’s life
Alcoholic beverages are not healthy especially too much consumption. It has so many bad effects to the human body, whether you are a teenager or a complete adult.
Occasional consumption of alcohol is not that dangerous but if it goes out of control it can lead to serious health problems. Everything that is too much is not healthy especially if it is alcohol.
Your teenagers are still developing, they are undergoing through different changes such as development in their body. Alcohol will not help your teen’s development.
In fact, it can affect their total development. Alcohol has an impact to the physical and emotional health of a teenager that is why it is important for you as a parent to take actions about this.
You must educate your teens about alcohol because it will not bring any benefits to their well-being. Alcohol also inhibits your teenagers thinking.
It gives them a false sense of courage and due to this less inhibition, they try and take risky moves. Which also includes having sexual intercourse with people they just met hey someone they have not completely established a trusting relationship with.
Too much alcohol consumption can cause the following health problems:
- Heart damage
- Liver damage
- Lung infection
- Stomach distress
- Thinning bone
- Muscle cramps
Too much alcohol can cause the following mental problems:
- Behavioral changes
Note to parent on the next steps to take
Now that you know the danger of Sex, Drugs and Alcohol to a teenager, you can start a dialogue to a teenager. There are approaches that you can take to make sure that your teenager can understand what you are saying.
Find a time to talk
Finding the right time and place is important in educating a teenager about Sex, Drugs and Alcohol.
Try to have an opportunity when you and your teenager is not busy maybe when you are spending time with them.
Having a natural conversation is more effective that forcing your teenager to speak to you because this will help you to deliver your message more naturally.
So, find a time to talk to your teenager maybe during dinner or breakfast or while you are with them doing household chore.
Take the opportunity to talk when both of you are comfortable because in this way your teen can understand it without having the idea of a “lecture”
Spending time with your teenager never goes to waste. It helps you get some insights into the working of their head.
The thoughts that they are having, the challenges that they are facing and the opinions that they are forming.
Above more time you spend with your teenager the more the emotional bond you will create with them.
When you have a very healthy emotional bonding with your teenager most of the problems of the teenage phase can be overcome successfully.
If you like to know more about how to build an emotional connection with your teenager read or article How-To Easily build Emotional Connection with your Teenager.
Be a role model
Make sure that you are setting a good example. You as a parent must be a role model for your teenager. You must show them the proper attitude or behavior before you try to lecture them or educate them.
Set an example to your teenager before trying to educate them. In this way, your teenager can say or think that what you are saying is right.
Your teenager can see what you are doing each day. If, they can see a proper example from you for sure they will do the same thing.
Especially parents belonging to the same sex as their teenager carry much heavier burden. When it comes to setting the right example of the man or a woman that you like your teenager to turn out to be.
You can read one of the articles that we have written on this. The link to the article is given here: How-To deal with teen sons – A father’s perspective
Be clear about your message
If you are going to talk about Sex, Drugs and Alcohol to your teenager, you must have a clear message. Let your teenager know what your intention is, and that intention is for them to be safe from danger.
Let your teenager know that it is for them not because you just want to prohibit them from doing such things. But for their overall well being.
Explain the reason why you are telling them about it. Proper communication can help you educate your teen a lot easier.
Make sure to use proper language and tones avoid raising your voice because this will not help you. Let your teen know that you love and care for them.
Also before you have the talk with your teenager if you require some help our article How to Get your Point Across to Your Teenager can help you on how to effectively land your message without any misunderstanding to your teenager.
Educate your teen about the danger it brings to them
Discuss to your teenager the danger of alcohol, sex, and drug to their life. Make your teenager be informed about this stuff because you cannot always be on their side.
They spend most of the day with their friends than with you. That is why it is important to discuss its danger, so your teen will not do something because they are not aware of its consequences.
Read more about these topics yourself. Throw facts and figures at your teenager for them to think and ponder about. Give them examples people around them or better still from your own life itself.
The more awareness you get your teenager the more deterrent it will be when they are thinking about indulging or trying any of these things.
Start, Evaluate, Pause, restart
When you are starting a conversation with all the preparation, but you figure out that your teen is not in ‘the mood’ to listen. Or during your conversation as you keep evaluating. You feel for some reason your teenager is turning a deaf ear to you. Or getting angry and agitated.
Take a pause and let your teenager know that you would like to discuss this topic another day with them.
Choose another time appropriate for both of you and restart this topic with your teenager.
Getting angry and mood swings are common part of being a teenager if you are facing such challenges from your teen you need not be worried it is only natural. Our articles How to effectively deal with Teenager Anger and How-To Help & Deal with a teenager mood swings respectively will be able to help you to face these situations.
Video Time; Experts Opinion
Sex, Drugs and Alcohol are things that you should be wary for the safety of your teenager. You must have enough knowledge about it because you must educate your teenager properly.
Sex, Drugs and Alcohol are dangerous for the well-being of your teenager. it can lead to some serious changes in their life.
It is not a teenager’s fault if they did something wrong, part of it is because they are not educated well about it.
Teenagers are curious and you cannot stop it. The only thing that you can do is educate your teenager properly.
That is no right or wrong time or correct age when you need to start opening these topics. When you have regular conversations with your child you will know when they are ready to hear on these topics.
The only question is when the cue comes in. Are You PREPARED…?
However, I am a mother growing 3 kids. Am a concerned parent.
I like to share my knowledge with the hope that it will be help to someone somewhere and make a difference to a very worried parent.
I have written this article, basis my experience, my talk with experts in this line and research on this topic. Also, I have implemented it in my life with my kids.
I like to emphasize that this is only for knowledge sharing and information purpose.
The contents of the MyShadesOfYellow.com site, including text, graphics, images, and other material are for informational purposes only.
Nothing contained in this site is or should be considered or used as a substitute for any medical or professional advice.
It should not also be a substitute for mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
If you are feeling concerned and worried about your kid. Your instinct tells you to be concerned.
 (Abma JC et al., Teenagers in the United States: sexual activity, contraceptive use, and childbearing, National Survey of Family Growth 2006–2008, Vital and Health Statistics, 2010, Series 23, No. 30)
 (Not Just for Girls: The Roles of Boys and Men in Teen Pregnancy, K.A. Moore and A. Driscoll, The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, Washington, DC, 1997)
 Collins C. Dangerous Inhibitions: How America Is Letting AIDS Become an Epidemic of the Young. San Francisco, CA: Center for AIDS Prevention Studies, University of California, 1997